I recently got diagnosed with autism which felt like the key to the lock I’d been trying to open about myself.

So I told my friend and her response was dismissive. ‘Everyone has autism now’ felt so littling of my experience it truly hurt.

And sure, there’s three ways to go once you get a diagnosis. It can mean you are able to ask for medication to assist. It can be nothing more than a crisp paper in your drawer or it can become your everything.

And it is my everything because I have found the answer to all my ‘whys’ so to have my friend say-‘don’t make this all about you’ I was stunned silent.

I want this info to set me free, I want it to bring me understanding so I can get past my anxiety and worry and fear of the unknown. I accept my diagnosis with a wide smile and strive to learn more about the tism and myself because I no longer have to feel I don’t understand. I have a chance now!

And now I do wonder how much of this internet thing of ‘everyone has adhd/autism’ is happening. My friend nonchalantly said she has adhd, but I never would have thought she did and now I wonder if she self diagnosed because it sounded right to her. But did it make her suffer and question her whole life until she found this answer?

I never thought I had adhd! And I added the testing on with autism since it was only an extra $500 and found out I have adhd and autism which is called AuDHD 😅

I thought I had something from the DSM 5 for sure and had hoped it wasn’t a psychotic because I have sometimes scared myself.

And having others tell me that my comments are weird or random or uncalled for. Those times I tried to be funny for it to fall on its face was mounting faster than I was comfortable.

So to have a friend negatively respond to me while I’m opening my heart- has closed it again. I’ll hold autism close to my heart and soul and I don’t think I’ll tell another friend.

I’ve heard people say to me:

“Well you know you have a cow lick right?” No I don’t understand what a cow lick is, I think I should understand it’s something with my hair but no, I don’t get it and now I’m mad you assume I know.

“Where have you been, living under a rock?” Yes a rock of not understanding.

“How can you not understand that?”

Then there’s the classic- I smile and nod to pretend I understand.

Autism to me is life. Its my life, it’s my everything, a reason for all these hard feelings I’ve carried with not understanding why.

So I ask you, neurotypical ex-friend Karen, who just low key broke my too big heart, “how do these stats show everyone has the tism?”

1% of little girls by the age of 8 years old are diagnosed with autism

80% of autistic females are undiagnosed by the age of 18

To get diagnosed as autistic in Canada as an adult, you have to pay up front and seek a specialist

And that concludes autism awareness month. But stick around, subscribe to my blog and follow the things I learn about autism and how they affect life!

-a Non-Miss